A Guide to keeping footballers

Footballers are by very natures curious creatures. They can be found roaming the every corner of the globe, often settling in colonies called 'teams', some teams are bigger and stronger than others. The 'teams' are constantly at war with each other looking to gain dominance. They come in many shapes, sizes and breeds. They are very difficult, changes of 'teams' are very common and the best players can go for millions of pounds. The big chiefs of the 'teams' have a lot of difficulty keeping there best players. To keep footballers you need to give them money, food, playing time and a host of other things they need to make them feel happy, like a specific shirt number etc.

(In David Attenborough voice) Breeds include...Zebra's  

"It's all down to Rice Krispies" said Luther Blissett when he joined AC Milan. More on Rice Krispies later. You need to keep your players loyal so you give them what they want. If a young Russian player arrives at a club with his family you have to make it easy for him, you get him a house, a language teacher, a car, a school if they have kids. This is where Rice Krispies comes in, if they is something specific a player wants, a club need to get it for him so he feels secure at the club. AC Milan are the best at this, when you arrive they lay on everything for you and make sure you like it.

...Tigers

Some examples of bad induction include, for the first few months of his Chelsea career Didier Drogba and his family where stuck in a hotel while Drogba searched for a house, something Chelsea and there huge financial backing should have provided. When Steven Piennar joined Ajax (with the best youth system in the world) they were stuck in a concrete box of a flat with nothing in it but a pair of speakers they'd bought from South Africa.

...Flamingos 

Even Man City don't do it. Though if are playing new recruits £100,000 a week they may not care, Rice Krispies or not.